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[admemoriam]

admemorium

kids are victims in this story

19/m/dead.

ᴠᴏɪᴄᴇ || ᴛᴇxᴛ || ᴠɪᴅᴇᴏ || ᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ

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[admemoriam]

It's not peaceful when Henrietta keeps tapping on your window for food.

[Noah wrinkles his nose a little, but Gansey's welcoming gesture soothes it. He wastes no time in coming over to join him.]

[disentombs]

[Gansey stifles a small laugh but not quick enough.]

Now I see what you mean.

[But they're not here to talk about him.]

Want to tell me what happened?

[admemoriam]

[He sits down on the bed, his shoulders a bit too hunched for comfort.]

It's one I've had before. It always starts off being about Ronan, but... [A little uncomfortable nose wiggle.] ... he turns into him.

[And not the Powerpuff Girls villain.]

[disentombs]

[Gansey notices the posture immediately. Not at all like Noah's bright, normal self.

But he tilts his head slightly at Noah's description.]

Who is "hi--"

[And of course his brain kicks in right as he's about to complete the sentence, cutting himself off. The half-finished question hangs in the silence for a split second too long before Gansey, trying to recover from the grievous misstep, puts a tentative hand around Noah's shoulders. From him, Noah will feel shame, pangs of sympathy, a deep anger, and a need to soothe.

No one, least of all Noah, deserves to have nightmares of their murderer.]

[admemoriam]

[Noah tucks into his side immediately, ignoring the brief stutter. He wants comfort, and Gansey is providing, and he doesn't care about the rest.]

It's not that bad. Most of them are just memories.

[His intonation speaks volumes: last night's wasn't.]

[disentombs]

["Just memories" didn't sound particularly pleasant either, all things considered.

He allows silence to hang between them for a minute or two, simply holding Noah there.]

Do you feel like talking about it?

[admemoriam]

[For several moments, it seems as though Noah might not want to. He breathes in and out, looking down at his socked feet like they're an anchor. Then, in the middle of the growing silence, ]

I didn't know how much he hated me. I didn't know, not even that morning. I think maybe that's why... [He reins in a quivering lip, blinks back a shudder.] ... why I could hear thoughts, after. So I'd know who to trust.

[If he'd been able to before, he would never have died. He keeps fixating on that.]

In the dream I keep listening to Ronan's, and I never hear it coming. I just keep following him. But then his face changes, and... [He cuts off, not wanting to bum Gansey out. He knows his friends are even more sensitive to his death than he is, after all this time.]

[disentombs]

[Too late.

Whenever he's forced to confront Noah's death, it's like finding out all over again. Realizing Noah wouldn't grow with the rest of them. And because of what was happening right before he came here...knowing Noah's time with them is limited.

How anyone could be so coldhearted as to not only manipulate Noah but then...

He swallows thickly, other arm coming to wrap around Noah as well. He's not sure whether it's for Noah's benefit or his own.]

You know he would never. [His voice is low, around the lump in his throat.]

We would never.

[admemoriam]

I know.

[He stiffens at first under the further contact, but almost immediately shakes it off, pressing his face down into Gansey's shoulder. His chest feels empty and too full. The pure grief, the pure love, in Gansey's thoughts almost makes him choke up.]

I just want to forget it.

[disentombs]

I just want it to stop haunting you in your dreams.

[He didn't deserve the burden of it while awake, and able to suppress it, let alone when he was defenseless in his sleep.

He presses his cheek against that soft, blonde hair, rubbing a hand soothingly up and down Noah's back, doing his best to envelope Noah in his safety and warmth.]

[admemoriam]

[Noah responds, sinking closer into him, and finally wiggles his arms free to wrap them around Gansey. A sigh escapes his throat, responding to the soothing warmth, though his arms and legs are still prickly with goosebumps.]

Can we lay down? I'm cold.

[No ulterior motives whatsoever, of course.]

[disentombs]

Yes, of course.

[A hand runs up and down one of Noah's arms, noticing the goosebumps. Gansey doesn't feel like letting go of Noah right this second, so uses one arm as leverage to help move them back vaguely towards the pillows and to get their whole bodies on the bed, the other stays wrapped around Noah, dragging his small frame along.

Gansey's bed is hardly ever made so when he lays them both down, he simply reaches over Noah where the blankets are laying in a heap and covers the both of them.]

[admemoriam]

[As soon as Gansey gets the covers pulled up, Noah settles in as close as he can get. The late hour and the stress of the nightmare have stripped away any usual diligence, and barely thinks about the intimacy of the position.

At least, not until he goes to tuck his leg up over Gansey's, and feels his bare knee brush against the warmth of a very present, surprisingly muscular leg. Even though flannel, it's more of Gansey than he ever expected to touch. So many of his fantasies have started this way, in this bed, in the aftermath of a bad dream. The only difference is that now it's Noah having nightmares.

Breathing softly, he slides his hands around to rest on Gansey's sides, taking comfort in the rise and fall of his chest. His very firm, strong chest. Somehow, touching him is even more fantastic than Noah had imagined.

Damn his young, sensitive, easily-distracted body.]

[disentombs]

[Once they're settled, Gansey's brain begins to catch up with the intimacy of the situation. It's a good thing the light is somewhat dim--a red blush begins to creep over his cheeks.

That's not what matters right now though. What matters is Noah feeling safe and warm and knowing he doesn't have to stew in his own thoughts alone.

A hand comes up and runs up and down Noah's back absently.]

Better?

[admemoriam]

A lot.

[The words come out as warm breath against Gansey's neck, as Noah tries to wriggle his way up in the bed a bit. He wants to be able to see Gansey's face.The movement creates more warmth, more brushed skin, until their noses are finally parallel.]

You're too tall.

[disentombs]

[He tried his damnedest to suppress a shudder at the breath on his neck and waits for Noah to readjust himself before looking up at him and grinning. ]

Or maybe you're just short.

[admemoriam]

Not short. Fun-sized.

[Said mock-seriously. He sticks his tongue out, and comes within a couple of inches of Gansey's face.]

[disentombs]

[He laughs, pressing their foreheads together as he grins.]

[admemoriam]

[Noah could positively not smile harder, a sharp contrast from just ten minutes ago. Then, his voice dropping just a bit, ]

Can I kiss you?

[disentombs]

[The question surprises him at first, heart thumping in his chest, redness in his cheeks now more obvious. He pulls away from Noah's forehead to look into his eyes. He nods, breathing out:]

Yeah.

[admemoriam]

[Relief and thrill clear in his eyes, Noah leans forward and presses their lips together. He's wanted this for so long, just the gentlest press sends a shiver through his chest, and he has to press his fingers against Gansey's ribs to remind him that it's real.]

[disentombs]

[Gansey lets out a content sigh at the kiss. Ever since coming here, there had been a small spark inside him, seeing how lively and joyful Noah is. Something magnetic, and infinitely attractive about him. He supposes it's charisma, a type that had been sapped away by Death back home.

The kiss is what makes him realize that the attraction was a romantic kind.

When it's over though, he looks up at Noah, hint of awe in his eyes as he runs a hand through his soft hair.]

[admemoriam]

[Noah feels Gansey's thoughts so clearly, and as he pulls back all he can do is send back a feeling of affirmation. Gansey knows. He can see who he used to be, and who he's trying to be again, and he understands. Noah lets out a breath that's closer to a disbelievingly happy laugh, and leans back in just to press their noses together. His thoughts come out in a tumble of affection and gratitude: you know who i am thank you thank you for seeing me thank you for wanting me you're amazing please don't leave.]

[disentombs]

[The rush of thoughts is heartwarming but overwhelming, and feeling Noah's happiness is what he grounds himself in. Gansey cups either of Noah's cheeks with his hands, fingers extending into his hair. He basks in it for a few seconds, allowing himself to just feel, both physically and mentally.

It's that last bit that brings him out of it.

He breathes out, somewhat confused:]

I won't leave.

[admemoriam]

Good.

[Noah starts to nod, but the need to be closer is too strong, and he pulls back in to steal another kiss. His lips part just enough to tug one of Gansey's between them, and his hand grasps at the fabric of his T-shirt, tugging gently.]